What exactly is sickness?
This is a question I have pondered a lot over my life. In June 2018 I travelled though an intense viral experience of glandular fever and recent tests have shown that even though symptomology has eased the immune system is still challenged and processing this virus. This opportunity took me deeply in to this contemplation of sickness once again, this time to a much deeper level.
Is sickness a pathological based function occurring in the body? An update of the immune system? A biological process in us as an organism? Or much more?
Like most people, I used to experience sickness as a biological process only. Something that simply happened as a part of life. Something unavoidable and inevitable.
If I step back from science and step into a Consciousness viewpoint there is truth in that statement. All levels of Consciousness contain a degree of truth and as we progress in to deeper/higher levels of Consciousness the amount of truth contained within a thought/belief increases.
Yet, in my experience sickness is so much more.
I now understand and Know that sickness is related to our inner stories. It’s like it’s the ultimate expression of “what we hold in mind we become”. This recent experience has added a new layer of understanding and contributed to the growing of wisdom.
Sickness used to happen a lot in my body. Asthma. Chronic hay fever. Heavily symptomatic Coeliacs disease. Virus after virus. Infections. Pneumonia. On and on year after year.
I was very unconscious.
Then life broke me down and a path of self discovery was started.
Over the years diet changed. Thinking changed. Qigong happened. Yoga happened. Meditation happened. Love of a kind never known entered via these choices. The energy and emotional bodies totally transformed. The physical and psychological bodies followed.
Sickness stopped happening. All but an occasional lurgy ceased. And when these came they were brief. From where I’d been to this level of wellness was dramatic.
It gave me an incredible opportunity to view illness with new eyes.
So why did sickness happen now?
What was being held in mind manifested. That’s not the conscious mind – but the unconscious one. Sickness has given lots of resting space to see the following, shared with you now to allow you to open to the possibilities of what illness reflects to you and to enable you to question your experiences more deeply. Growth comes from this.
I got sick because:
– The challenges of single parenting, building a small business and intense spiritual work pushed up a sense of not being able to cope. An “out” was needed. Sickness is a socially accepted out, a legitimate excuse to rest and do nothing. It gave me great breathing space!
– There was a constant push or striving to be something, achieve something, become something out there. A very masculine energy. This led to a disconnect inside. The feminine wasn’t being listened to as deeply as she needed to be. She “pulled the plug” so that the Yang HAD to hear her. A lesson needed to be learned about the energy cost of “striving” so much. Having so much Yang left the universal flow out of balance. I wasn’t connecting with and living from my power – I was living from force.
– The step up in service this year flushed up residues of unworthy from the unconscious self. There was aspects of lower self attaching self worth to client and class numbers, to money and outcomes. This is fine when they’re flowing and high, however, when that ebbs in the natural tide of life the part of self doing egoic based self value crumbled into feelings of failure. Self worth was viewed as bank balance and client numbers. Negativity when picked up as an operating system, creates unwellness.
– The unconscious blueprint for life needed to be exposed in order to be rewritten and re contextualised for future growth. It was out of date and causing suffering since there was no way it could be met.
– In the down spiral diet had altered. There wasn’t enough time or money to eat an organic, wholefoods diet or prepare highly nutritious meals. This story became big and real. It invited in physical unwellness and was later beautifully exposed as bullshit/sick story. I had to get sick to see this!
– As these old energy patterns rose up to consciousness there were discharges and releases. Lots of tears washing them away. Energetic releases that came up with speed and needed a way to be burned off and released. The unseen forces use what they can to assist the process of growth. So the body entered a cleanse utilising a biological process – a virus in this instance. Shivers. Sweats. Aching throat. Tiredness to rest in. Space to process and reconnect.
More lessons needed to be seen and the utilisation of the process of virus was a perfect learning field. But this is so only if we look. I could have simply sat in the mindset and energy of victim – this virus is happening to me. The view that I have no input into creating it or healing from it. This is what most of the worlds population actually does.
For instance, I needed to learn:
• how cared for I am by the universe
• the depth of my Higher Self
• that the stories I’d been running were such bullshit.
• the Value of Self.
• the power of the stories we run needed a deeper knowing
• space was needed in my life to shift some pieces of the puzzle around be reshaped.
• the space allowed many teachers via books to enter. There was time and space to take in new teachings.
• how AWESOME the masculine energy inside me is! How precious the female inside me is. Can they work more harmoniously and deeply United together now?
• the power of positivity needed to be witnessed.
Let’s look at this one more deeply.
Each time negativity was noticed it was observed that the symptoms got stronger!
If I allowed the feelings of “poor me” (victim) to get closer I began to really suffer. Feelings of fear and inability to cope with kids and mothering duties got more real and very BIG. Feelings of having no one to care for me came at me with life and animation. The power to laugh them off was given up momentarily (or taken away by those unseen forces). In this, I felt the headache more, felt the weakness of body more and the intensity of the fatigue increased and was totally surrendered in to. Helplessness and un-loveabilty became actual lived experiences and not just fears. A type of death happened.
Yet, when this was seen and accepted as a wondrous receipt of what I have once done to others (karma), the struggle immediately ended and joy of the experience arrived. The transformation was immediate and powerfully obvious. Symptoms left. Power surged throughout the body and the lift in energy flowed throughout all layers of beingness.
This cycle was then really played with consciously. It became a game and experiment. Initially there was no choice… it seemed. But when that dawn of realisation arrived that if I went with negativity it became embodied, I then played with it, testing the level of truth.
Scenarios in the outer world arrived to either lift or potentially lower the mindset. I consciously selected a mindset and closely watched what happened. The actual ability to choose thoughts was seen really vividly and patterns and structures of consciousness were further revealed. The affects of thought choices was really felt in the body as there was no distractions to pull my awareness away from this process.
This sickness was actually a process where deeply held core beliefs were taken out and dusted, changed around and altered. The connection with physicality and thoughts was really observed through direct experience. A lower energy physicality can only produce lower thoughts. If you take up the lower thoughts you become that vibration of wellness. The realisation that I am not the thoughts and that they belong to the field of consciousness at that energetic vibration solidified in me to Knowingness. They are just thoughts of that level of energy level (consciousness) and they will manifest as that vibration somewhere in my life. I can change my thoughts. I can change my health.
Positivity is life affirming. Negativity is not. It seems obvious, yet when we look around we can logically see that most people are living in a state of negativity all the way from shame to anger and even up to pride. The health outcomes depend almost entirely on the belief systems held and therefore lived from within.
The many gifts of sickness. A renewal. A cleanse. An update. An opportunity for growth. A chance to see what needs to be cleared. Sooo much in the beautiful gift of sickness.
Namaste with love,