When you think about how you feel about yourself, and how well you know yourself, how do you score on a scale of 1 – 10? The answer to this self-assessment can be quite revealing and prompt us in to action.
If you scored low for both then NOW is definitely the time to do something about it and below are some great tips for where you can begin.
If you feel that you know yourself very well, but you are on the lower side of how much you like yourself, then it might be time to start thinking about how you can build a better relationship with yourself. Read on…
If you scored high on both then CONGRATULATIONS! Are you out there helping others make this transformation?
A great way to start knowing yourself and loving yourself (ok, let’s start with liking yourself first) is by asking this simple question: WHO AM I? You’ll be amazed where this one question leads you!
The absolute BEST way to step towards both of these goals is to begin Soul Focused Psychotherapy. This is therapy at its deepest where you will learn about your lower self, Soul and Spirit. You will discover that it’s your ego/personality that keeps you bound to suffering and that there are different levels of consciousness that we travel through in our life journey. Knowing these levels can greatly enhance our understanding of where we are, how we got there and most usefully how to shift out and move forward into happiness. This therapy also allows you to dig deep into your issues and permanently transform them.
And whilst you’re doing the deeper inner work feel for incorporating these tips in to your daily life:
Stop Focusing on the Dealings of Others
There are tons of distractions that can be found out in the world, but some of the worst distraction to get involved with are those that comes from spending too much time focusing on and critiquing the lives of others. It can be extremely easy to fall into the habit of spending your time concerning yourself with the movements of others, and you may even spend time discussing these things with others, but it’s important to note that while you’re focusing on others, you’re avoiding work that you can be doing on yourself.
Another side of this, is that it might be a manifestation of insecurities that you feel towards yourself due to constant comparing. The person who is aware of the nuances of how you feel would be you, because people can’t read the minds of others. If you feel as though you are constantly scrutinized by others, it’s important to remember that they might not even be aware that you feel any discomfort at all. Most of the time, people are primarily focused on how they are seen by others.
Learn to Forgive People
It’s really hard to make a better relationship with yourself when you carry a lot of baggage from past dealings with people. Things sometimes happen that can make you feel a little bit sour about having relationships with others but it’s important to remember that you don’t need to hold onto these things. Let them just be things that happened and move on.
It’s been said that forgiving people is more about being healthier for yourself than the person you’re forgiving. This is because holding onto to anger and pain will only cause you to feel negatively about a lot of other things in your life.
Once you have forgiven someone completely, the part of your mind that has been holding onto those toxic thoughts and feeling will be free to focus on better things. You can use that brain power to think of ways to put good things into the world around you.
There are a lot of ways to spread positivity, and the best ways involve doing something for others.
Take Time to Help Someone in Need
There are few joys that can compare to the feeling you get when you help someone who really needs help. When you’ve been spending a lot of time focusing on yourself in unhealthy ways, a really good way to break out of that is to help someone else. This puts them in the forefront of your mind for a time.
Being of service to others is a very high spiritual quality and therefore a powerful way of paying off your karmic debts. To be of service requires us to be genuinely doing it for the other, rather than to feed our own egoic nature.
You might be surprised by the outpouring of gratitude that comes from people who haven’t been used to getting the help that you’re willing to provide. It doesn’t have to be huge tasks or weekly volunteering commitments either. It can be really simple like carrying heavy items, giving up your seat on a crowded train, offering to help around the house or helping your neighbor in the garden.
Write a Journal or a Letter to Yourself
Part of getting to the deeper parts of yourself is taking time out of your day to put your thoughts on paper so that you can read them back to yourself. Sometimes it takes this kind of exercise in order to be able to get a sense of what is truly on your mind. You might have doubts about recent decisions, or you might need to see your thoughts out in front of you to make those final choices. Whatever the case may be, this will help you to begin to prioritize your feelings and thoughts about things. Once you’ve drawn some conclusions it’ll be easier to make real changes based on the information you have about yourself. I wrote a recent post on the power of journaling recently, you can check it out here.
Practice Positive Self-Talk
After you’ve taken some time to think about the things you wrote down to yourself, make some effort to replace anything negative that you said to yourself with something that is positive. Talk about your abilities. Tell yourself that you can accomplish your goals. The more that you repeat these things to yourself, the more possible they will become.
Focus on Gratitude
Gratitude is the gateway to Love and has a very powerful transformative effect. And like all positive energies it waits for us to find it. Negativity will come looking for us, however positivity requires intention and action from us before it will open and shower its glory upon us. So developing an attitude of gratitude will naturally result in a more positive relationship with yourself.
Learn Mindfulness and Meditation
Our negative self-talk is a result of past beliefs that have become dysfunctional in our current self. As such they are past focused and project fears on to the future. None of this is actually where life happens – in the NOW.
Mindfulness and meditation teaches us how to anchor in the present moment and we can more easily access a positive relationship with self and others. If you’d like to learn how to practice meditation and Mindfulness my dear friend and colleague Claire Rose is running a 6 week Beginners Meditation & Mindfulness Course from May 10th. Details can be found here.
You can transform your relationship with yourself with Self Awareness. Please don’t hesitate to reach out and ask for guidance. I’m here to help you!